They saw it as a rite of passage into womanhood, and they are excited and proud to be women and have a woman’s body. Having said all of that, my girls were excited to wear bras. For me personally, I’m very small-chested and don’t “need” a bra, however wearing a bra gives my breasts shape and makes me feel more feminine. If my girls choose to go without a bra as an adult, I’m fine with that because by then they should be prepared to deal with wanted and unwanted comments and behaviors from others at that point. Some women are comfortable with showing off their breasts, but I’m not comfortable putting young girls into situations that they don’t know how to handle, and the thought of older men/boys looking at my young teenagers in an inappropriate way makes me very uncomfortable. Women don’t want to objectified and turned into sexual objects, but it can’t be denied that breasts are a major component of sexual arousal to men. She was completely unaware and I appreciated her innocence, but I was concerned at how aware others were of her. I remember seeing a girl in 5th grade who was quite developed who wasn’t wearing a bra (or a tank-top/camisole) and her nipples were very clearly showing through her shirt. I had them wear tank-tops under their shirts until they moved into bras because the shirts could be seen through, especially as the year progressed and the shirts became worn and thin. My daughters were required to wear white shirts as part of their daily school uniform. I don’t think it’s so much an issue of “forced modesty’ (whatever that means). I think there is no reason to wear one if you don’t want to, whatever age you are, but as a mother, I appreciated the opportunity to give her information about it and also to explain that it was her body and her decision, and I’d provide what she felt she needed. I believe that now she feels like she can wear it or not, without having to explain it to me or anyone, and trust her own instincts. She wore it twice and was over it, to which I said, no problem, you have the rest of your life to wear a bra, so no big woop, but now you have it if you change your mind sometimes. I got her a Hanna Andersson bralette - cute, simple, soft white cotton. We chatted about it a bit, about how bras are really for support, but can also be a social emblem of growing up, and about everyone developing differently and families handling it differently, and about how differently people feel about privacy (and that people should probably not run around the playground telling everyone they got a bra!) and that it’s normal to be curious about the trappings of adulthood. My nine year old asked for a bra this year because one of her best friends wears (and needs) one. So, if a girl is resisting wearing a bra because she finds it scratchy and uncomfortable, I’d suggest taking her shopping for a lightweight bra in a good, breathable fabric, and then not pressing the issue until the weather begins to cool off. The bras that many people consider appropriate for adolescent girls–inexpensive fabrics, elastic instead of underwire, likely some padding–are not the most comfortable bras, and summer (in a hot climate) is not a good season in which to try to get used to wearing a bra. And when I left home, I switched from the cheap, padded, heavily elasticized bras that my mother insisted on to thinner, underwire bras, which I find much lighter and more comfortable. After a year or so, of course, I got used to them and stopped thinking about it as much. One other thought that occurs to me is that I found bras hideously scratchy and uncomfortable when I first started wearing them. I think most 10-year-old girls will accept that if it’s put to them in those terms, though.I also think it’s normal to pass through a stage of thinking “What’s the fuss?” Other people are not entitled to see too much of your body, and it’s probably better to start wearing a bra a little too early than a little too late. I think the fundamental answer to the “Why?” question is modesty. The undershirts made my appearance modest enough, and they staved off the peer pressure to wear a bra for a year or so. This might be a good compromise for this particular girl. I didn’t really get what that was about, but I cooperated. I didn’t wear a bra until I was 11 but I did, at my mother’s insistence, wear thick cotton undershirts at ages 9-10.
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